Miscarriage #3

My life just keeps getting even more interesting...and not interesting in a good way. Since my last blog post a lot has happened. I saw the cardiologist...my heart is good. They think I was born with the right bundle branch block and it shouldn't give me any problems. As far as the dizziness goes he said that I have something called a vasovegal response. It is a common fainting condition that is not serious. Weird, but okay.

Right before I went to see the cardiologist I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't even believe it. How!?! It just seemed too easy. I probably took at least ten pregnancy tests over the period of a week. I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me. My ob wanted to see me right away to confirm the pregnancy and see if everything looked okay. My first ultrasound was at 4 weeks. You can't see much then, but what he could see he thought things looked good. Although he was extremely worried about my heart and ordered another ekg, an echocardiogram, and a 24 hour halter monitor. I have been feeling a lot like a lab rat lately, but this day was the worst. I had 8 leads stuck all over my chest with wires coming out of them leading to a little computer that I had to wear around my waist that kept track of my hearts activity. I wore this for 24 hours. It actually wasn't too bad...not as annoying as I thought it would be. That day I felt like I had been sent through the ringer and back. Luckily all the tests came back good aside from the right bundle branch bock which was incomplete. My halter monitor showed that my heart sometimes palpitates. It does the same thing that someones heart might do after drinking three cups of coffee. Mine just does it on its own though without the coffee. Since my heart is healthy, now I just had to worry about being pregnant. I was nervous, but I was sure everything would be okay. I didn't think I could possibly have two miscarriages in a row.

My ob wanted to see me the following week when I was 5 1/2 weeks. During the ultrasound he says "where are you baby?" Staring at that ultrasound screen I had a flashback to my first miscarriage. It looked so much the same. An empty gestational sac with no baby. My doctor looked a little concerned but told me not to worry that it is early and the yolk sac is probably there and we are just having trouble seeing it. He wanted to see me the following week for another ultrasound. Then I would be almost 7 weeks. That week leading up to my ultrasound was difficult. I was scared but trying to be positive. I didn't want to think negatively about this pregnancy. I was happy thinking about being pregnant and giving birth to my new baby in November. I knew my daughter would be so excited having a little sister or brother to play with. When it was time for my ultrasound I was actually feeling pretty good. I think I did know in the back of my mind what the ultrasound would reveal, but I did't want to believe it. I was expecting to see a baby, I wanted to see a baby, but when we didn't I honestly wasn't surprised at all. It was another blighted ovum just like my first miscarriage. I was so sad, mad, disappointed and frustrated! I couldn't believe I was going to have another miscarriage. Three! Three! Why me? Why my family? Of course every time this happens I ask myself what I did wrong. Maybe I was so stressed about my something wrong with my heart that I caused this miscarriage, but what caused my other miscarriages. I'll never know.

I decided to get a D&C this time. My last two I miscarried naturally. Who knew how long I would carry the pregnancy and then how long I would miscarry for. With my first blighted ovum I didn't actually miscarry until almost 10 weeks and I bled for almost a month. I thought with a D&C I could move on sooner and hopefully get my period sooner. I had my D&C three days ago. I was 7 weeks.

I am so lucky to have my little girl. I am so grateful for her. She really is my little miracle baby. I hope I able to give her a brother or sister one day, but at this point I am not feeling good about it. I feel defeated and like I am losing all hope.

Right Bundle Branch Block

I am feeling defeated! I need to figure out a way to handle my stress in a healthy way. Maybe I need a punching bag in my garage.

I have had a lot going on with me lately it seems. I feel I have reached my limit. I don't know if I can take much more. I feel like I was down and someone came along and kicked me and then someone else came and kicked me again and again and again.

Aside from my miscarriage that I had in September I have also found out that I have pretty much no eggs left. My chances of conceiving another baby are slim to none. I am 33, but my doctor has put my reproductive age at 42. 42! My FSH is 14 and my AMH is .18. For those of you who are familiar with those numbers know that those are not good, especially my AMH. Two doctors have told me that IVF is probably our only option but chance of miscarriage is very high and a third doctor believes egg donation is about our only option.

If this wasn't enough for me to deal with I now have to go see a cardiologist. The other week I woke up and walked into the bathroom where I almost collapsed. I was so dizzy I couldn't even stand. I sat on the toilet and almost then feel off the toilet. I also felt nauseous and was extremely hot. I laid on the bathroom floor until I felt stable enough to walk to my bed. Once in bed my husband took my blood pressure and heart rate. My heart rate was 40 beats per minute! I have also been having frequent heart palpitations where I feel like I have to catch my breath. The heart palpitations is not a new thing for me. I have been having them on and off since I was a kid. They use to happen occasionally but lately seem to be happening daily, sometimes several times a day. After the dizzy spell I decided to go see the doctor. I was thinking the she was going to tell me that the dizziness was vertigo from an inner ear infection and that the more frequent heart palpitations was from stress. I had an EKG done which came back abnormal. My heart rate was very slow and I had a right bundle branch block. My doctor referred me to see a cardiologist. I am still awaiting my appointment. I feel scared, worried, and sick with fear.

A right bundle branch block is a defect in the heart's electrical conduction system. It is a condition in which there is a delay or obstruction along the pathway that electrical impulses travel to make your heart beat. Bundle branch block sometimes makes it harder for your heart to pump blood efficiently through your circulatory system. There is no specific treatment for bundle branch block itself. However any underlying condition will need to be treated. Bundle branch block is often, usually, caused by heart or lung disease. Although in some cases a completely healthy person can develop bundle branch block. Sometimes, bundle branch block is associated with other problems in the heart's electrical system that can lead to dangerously slow heartbeats that need treatment with a pacemaker. Signs and symptoms can be fainting, dizziness, and having a slow heart rate. (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bundle-branch-block/basics/definition/con-20027273)

I have a two week wait until I see a cardiologist. I am trying to figure out how not to worry and stress about it. It very well may be benign...just the way I am made up, but there is also a possibility that something worse could be wrong. This is never something I would have ever thought I would have to worry about in my thirties. I feel so mad! Why me?!? I feel like my body is falling apart.