I went to the doctor for my first prenatal visit at about 6 weeks. They had me pee on a stick and took a blood test to check my HCG level. It was official...I was pregnant. I told everybody! I wanted to scream it from the roof tops. At 7 weeks they wanted to test my HCG level again. No biggy. I figured this was normal protocol and that everything was perfect. They called me back a few days after my second HCG blood test. They said everything was fine, but they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound appointment to look at the baby because my HCG wasn't as high as they would like to see it. I immediately feared for the worst, but they once again assured me everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. I had to wait a whole week for my ultrasound. It was the longest week of my life! I was sick with worry!
The day of my ultrasound was one of the worst days of my life. Unfortunately my husband had an important meeting and couldn't be there. It seemed like any other day for the ultrasound tech. She delivered my bad news and told me I could have the room to compose myself. I was going to miscarry! This miscarriage was called a blighted ovum which is when a fertilized egg implants itself into the uterus but doesn't develop into an embryo. I cried so hard! After about 5 minutes the woman came back in and told me that they needed the room for the next patient and I would need to leave. I walked through the waiting room full of expectant mothers, tears falling from my eyes. Once in my car I cried for over an hour in the parking lot. I was crying so hard that there was no way I could drive home. I felt so alone and like my world had just been destroyed. I didn't want to tell my husband the bad news. I felt like a complete failure. I had never heard of anyone having a miscarriage. Was I the only one?!? Was this a rare occurrence?!? What had I done wrong?!?
My doctor thought a D&C would be best, but I chose to wait and miscarry at home. In the back of my mind I thought it was all a mistake. There was no way I was going to let them scrape out my uterus...what if there just maybe was a baby in there. I ended up miscarrying at almost 10 weeks. It was very painful! Heavy bleeding and extremely painful cramps. The worst of it lasted for about 3 hours, but I went on to bleed for almost a full month! During this time while miscarrying I had my 29th birthday, was packing our apartment getting ready to move from Virginia to California, trying to buy a house that was 3,000 miles away, and saying goodbye to my business that I started myself. Needless to say it was a very stressful time!
No comments:
Post a Comment