MTHFR May Be My Missing Puzzle Piece

I am feeling like I am a science experiment that I am trying to solve. Weird things happen to me. Three miscarriages, almost no eggs left (are my ovaries failing at age 33), dizziness that led me to find out I have an incomplete right bundle branch block, horrible night terrors as a child, constant rashes as child, and heart palpitations. Not to mention one leg is almost an inch longer, I have a slight bit of scoliosis, and was born with a Stills heart murmur. The heart palpitations I have been having since I was about 12. I was told they were nothing and I would grow out of them. I have never grown out of them. Actually just yesterday I woke up feeling like my heart was racing. It came and went for about an hour after I woke up. At one point it felt really bad so I used my blood pressure monitor to take my pulse...it was 106 beats per minute. What the hell is going on with me?!? I am 33 years old. I am healthy, slender, eat well and exercise (well kind of I take lots of walks and chase after a 2 year old).

Recently I did find out something about myself that I think is a huge missing piece to my puzzle. I found out I have a MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase) mutation. I am heterozygous A1298C. This means I have a reduced ability to process folic acid/ folate into something my body can use. In other words I can not metabolize synthetic folic acid. Which is a bit of a problem because folic acid is added to nearly every multivitamin and food. If you have a MTHFR mutation it is recommended to stay clear from anything with folic acid. It can build up in your system and act like a toxin. Instead you should be taking methylfolate and methyl B12.

Speaking of toxins...MTHFR can make you very susceptible to toxins and chemicals. When exposed too many toxins and chemicals it can trigger the MTHFR gene mutation and cause many illnesses and disorders. Autism, autoimmune diseases, allergies, recurrent pregnancy loss, addictions, pulmonary embolisms, depression, schizophrenia, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, chemical sensitivity, Parkinson's, irritable bowel syndrome, pre-eclampsia, stroke, spina bifida, acute lymphoblastic leukemia, vascular dementia, bipolar disorder, male infertility, blood clots, rectal cancer, meningioma, congenital heart defects, infant depression, deficits in childhood cognitive development, gastric cancer, migraines, low HDL, high homocysteine, post-menopausal breast cancer, atherosclerosis, oral clefts, type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, Alzheimer's, potential drug toxicities, cervical dysplasia, multiple sclerosis, hypertension, prostate cancer, premature death, placental abruption, heart attack, methotrexate toxicity, heart murmurs, tight anal sphincters, tongue tie, unexplained neurologic disease, asthma, shortness of breath, bladder cancer, scoliosis and many more diseases and disorders.

If you have a MTHFR mutation I can not stress enough how important it is to limit your exposure to toxins and chemicals. Us MTHFR's have a very hard time ridding our systems of those yucky harmful toxins. Eat clean...no processed foods, grass fed meats, antibiotic free dairy and eggs, organic, free of pesticides, and non-GMO. Be careful what you put on your skin. Makeup, shampoos, lotions, hair products, toothpaste, deodorant and sunscreens all can have very harmful chemicals that easily absorb through you skin. Use non-toxic paint. Make your own cleaning products, dish soap and laundry soap. Weed killer and bug killer are also bad. Check your drinking water...you may want to invest in a whole house water osmosis system. And I hate to say it because now I am going to get so many eye rolls and negative comments come my way...absolutely no vaccines!

Be clean, eat clean, live clean. My general rule is that if I don't know what the ingredients are I don't use it. It will be good for you, your children, your pets and also Mother earth.

"Resolve to Know More"

My 13 week old fetus lay floating at the bottom of the toilet. This is the image that will forever be in my head. I am haunted with it ever day, but yet I can't speak about it to others.

5am on September 3, 2013 began an event in my life I will never forget. I am awaken by a very strong contraction. It's beginning...I am going to lose my baby. For the next hour I lay in bed in terrible pain, curled into a tight ball, tears falling from my eyes. My husband stayed by my side rubbing my lower back and watched me crumble into pieces. The amount of blood I was losing was scary, but nothing new to me. Previous to this miscarriage I had experienced childbirth and a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I suddenly feel the urge to poop and make my way to the bathroom. My tiny little baby falls into the toilet. I collapse into hysterical sobbing tears. I never knew I was capable of crying so loud and so hard. It scared me! My husband gently removed our baby from the toilet and rinsed her off. She was about 3 inches long but looked just like a baby. She had eyes, ears and a mouth and tiny little fingers and toes. She was our baby girl that we lost unexpectedly at 13 weeks.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to pull myself out of my depression and sadness and be able to move on. It took a couple months but thanks to the support of my family, friends and the Resolve community I pulled myself together and started trying again for baby #2. 

Seven months later I became pregnant again. Unfortunately I miscarried and had a D&C at 7 weeks. As the doctors were about to take me away for my D&C my daughter says to a nurse "I'm getting a baby sister." My heart broke! What was wrong with my body? Why was it failing me? Four pregnancies...three of which ended in a miscarriage.

After many all day drives to my infertility specialist, countless vials of blood drawn, and more ultrasounds I was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve. When I say low I mean LOW...scary low. I pretty much have no eggs left. At age 33 I was told my reproductive age was more like a 42 year old woman. After speaking with three reproductive specialists I was told by one that IVF was my best option of ever having a second child, another recommended no medication IVF and the third doctor said donor eggs would be our best option. 

As much as I want to dive right into an IVF cycle we can't right now. It is extremely expensive and unfortunately our insurance will not cover it. We have a beautiful two year old little girl and as much as we want to give her that little sister she has been asking for we have to think about her future. Depleting our bank account for multiple IVF treatments that may not work could take away from all the things we want and hope to give her in life. If only insurance would consider my infertility a disease and stop calling it cosmetic. I need help! We need help! This is why I am passionate about infertility. We are a group that is overlooked. We are told to just relax and it will happen. If only it was that easy!

I Resolve to educate others about infertility. 

I Resolve to never give up. I Resolve to stand strong.

 I Resolve to have a voice. I Resolve to tell my story. 

Thank you to National Infertility Awareness Week, April 20-26 2014

To learn more about the RESOLVE movement and infertility please visit the RESOLVE website.

http://www.resolve.org/
http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

Goodbye Eggs. You Lived A Good Life.

FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKER!
Please excuse my language but I fucking got my period this morning. I don't know why I am so surprised. You would think I would be use to this by now. I shouldn't even be writing right now either. I have so much to do today. Tomorrow is my daughters birthday. She will be two. I have lots to do to prepare for her party. I need to be making strawberry cupcakes not writing about my fucking period. I thought if I do a quick vent I can get back to what is most important...making the perfect strawberry cupcake. 

I know getting pregnant for me is not easy, but I just felt so hopeful this month. We really tried hard. I was so convinced I was pregnant that I have already taken two pregnancy tests...yesterday and the day before. Even after seeing the negatives I still thought I might be pregnant. Maybe I was just testing too early I thought. Not the case. Aunt Flow decided to make a visit again this month. 

This is the really hard part about infertility. You don't just mourn one loss and then get over it. You mourn a loss every month when you get your period. You mourn what the future may not hold. For me every month feels like a huge loss. I don't have time on my side. Sure I am only 33 but I have the eggs of a 42 year old. I don't have time to waste. I may only have a year left to conceive or I may have several. The unknown is what is so upsetting. Every month I get my period that is just one month closer to my expiration date.

Some people may think my wording may sound a bit extreme. You may be thinking that I am talking like I am dying...expiration date...I don't have time on my side...mourn a loss monthly. I am healthy and plan to live a long life, but my eggs on the other hand are not. They are dying off quickly and much sooner than most. I am fighting for my second child's life. I just need one good egg. Is that to much to ask for?

Please Don't Cook With These Egg Whites

My infertility journey began 7 years ago when I was 27 years old. I went off the pill after taking it for almost 9 years straight. I had been married to my wonderful, loving and very supportive husband for three years and was ready to start a family. Like most couples I thought it would be easy. I figured the moment I stopped the pill I would be pregnant within a few months. I was so naive!

A year later...still not pregnant. I decided I better get serious and learn more about TTC.

I started charting my temperature. Or at least attempting. My problem with taking my temperature was trying to remember the instant I woke up to stick a foreign object into my mouth. Did you know that just raising your head off your pillow or sitting up will change your temperature. I was so bad at it you could tell nothing from my temperature. It was all over the place.

I tried the ovulation tests. First of all they are expensive. If I used them every month for as long as I have been TTC I would be broke. Second of all I never really seemed to get a clear positive. The line was always close in color to the other line but never as dark as or darker than.

Then I learned about my favorite go to method. Checking my cervical mucus. To do this method you can't be shy or embarrassed about your body. I remembered the first time I told one of my girlfriends about this. She thought it was hysterical and horrifying all at the same time. If you are unfamiliar with checking your cervical mucus it really is quite easy and not gross at all. Follow this step by step guide to checking your cervical mucus. (This makes me laugh. Something like this needs a step by step guide.)

          1.  Wash hands

          2.  Insert finger as far as you can into your vagina. The best source of cervical mucus is at your cervix.

          3.  Inspect cervical mucus.

          4.  Cervical mucus can be sticky, creamy, wet, watery and like egg whites.

          5.  Look for egg whites. Egg white cervical mucus will stretch an inch or more between fingers.

          6.  If you see egg whites you are ripe for the picking. Time to have sex.

See No, Hear No, Speak No Evil

This isn't my first rodeo being a blogger. I started a blog years ago. My heart and soul went into writing for it. And then I deleted all existence of my blog just like that. I wanted no trace of it. I wanted to forget all that I had written. Pretend like none of it ever happened.

You are probably speculating what I wrote about. Don't worry it was nothing criminal. It was just a period in my life that was emotionally exhausting. I overcame my issue for the time being and I thought if I deleted my blog that I would never have to think or deal with it again. Well, guess what....not true at all. I am back on the emotional roller coaster known as...................INFERTILITY!